To React or Respond?
This was a big thing for me to learn and an absolute game-changer in my life. The day I learned the difference between reacting and responding, life became a whole lot easier. My relationships became stronger, communication improved, and I became an all-around nicer person to be around!
In life, we often encounter situations that demand our immediate attention and action. How we get through these moments determines our emotional well-being and the quality of our relationships. Two common ways of dealing with life’s challenges are reacting and responding. While these terms might seem interchangeable, there’s a huge difference between the two.
For the longest time, I was a reactor. Reactions are instinctive, knee-jerk responses to stimuli. When we react, our emotions take control, often plunging us into a state of impulsiveness. Rather than carefully considering our actions, we act reflexively, driven by anger, fear, or frustration. This was me — quick to react, talk back, blame, or just feel frustrated.
Yoga showed me the difference. I learned about triggers and started to work on responding. I realized that when something ‘gets to me,’ it’s actually something inside of me, not the “thing” happening outside of me.
Unlike reacting, responding involves a conscious and deliberate approach to the situation. When we respond, we pause (and breathe) to assess the circumstances, taking into account our emotions, thoughts, and values before taking any action. This intentional approach enables us to make better choices, guided by compassion and knowledge.
As I began to practice responding instead of reacting, I noticed huge changes in my life.
Responding to life cultivates emotional intelligence, allowing us to regulate our emotions and understand others better. By embracing an intentional response, we develop empathy, patience, and compassion, fostering healthier and more meaningful relationships. I found myself becoming a more understanding friend and a more compassionate person.
It promotes effective communication and conflict resolution. By thoughtfully responding rather than impulsively reacting, we navigate conflicts with empathy, active listening, and rational thinking, paving the way for resolution and growth. On the other hand, reacting often fuels conflicts, adds tension, and often ends with misunderstandings. I’ve learned to handle conflicts with a calm mind, turning potential arguments into constructive conversations.
Consciously responding to life’s moments helps me learn more about myself as well. I see patterns and triggers within myself, which I actually find exciting these days — something else to work on! What do they say? The work is never done! I have noticed that reacting to life makes me feel as though I am surrendering my power to something outside of me. Why on earth would I want to do that? The only thing in life we can have any control over is our actions and reactions — the rest is out of our hands.
Taking that pause, a simple breath, between the “thing that happens” and the response, has also helped me handle life’s ups and downs with a bit more grace than I used to! I’m not saying I never react anymore, some triggers run deep. But as I feel them come and let them go, the less I react, the less they show up.
Next time something makes you want to yell, run, or throw a tantrum, remember to pause, breathe, and calmly respond (or take a moment to process). Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
